Category: connect

The Signs Are Everywhere

About 5 years ago my brother-in-law passed away.  And it was sad.  And tragic. And heartbreaking.  But it was also enlightening.  And inspiring.  And unbelievable.

I know that sounds strange but let me tell you why.

Shortly after my brother-in-law passed, my son, who was ten at the time, had to pick a number for his baseball team.  Typically, he would have picked a number like 2 or 5 or 15.  But that year he picked 61.  This seemed very random and very unlike him.  We asked how and why he made that choice.  He had no explanation other than to say, “I don’t know, it just felt right”.  It just felt right, another unusual thing for a 10-year-old boy to say, but we let it go

It wasn’t long after that conversation that I learned 61 had a very special meaning and a meaning that would follow me for a long time to come.  1961 was the year my brother-in-law was born.  1961. 61.  That 61 that my son seemed to randomly pick maybe wasn’t so random after all.  

I started to see 61 everywhere I went.  On license plates.  The temperature gauge in my car. The percentage on my phone.  Even the unexpected ‘inspected by’ slip you find in a pocket showed up in my sons suit jacket with the number 61. 61. Everywhere I looked, everywhere I went. 61 was following me. Or was 61 trying to tell me something?

It became a running joke with me and my family.  Oh, there is 61 again.  We would all look to the sky and say, “thank you Uncle” or “there’s Uncle again”.  It seemed funny at first, but to me it was beginning to mean so much more.

I began to research numerology and its’ significance.  Was there something to the meaning of numbers in general and 61 specifically?  I learned that the number 61 symbolizes family and introspection.  It is a number symbolizing harmony and balance.  People who resonate with the number 61 are nurturing and caring for their family members and friends.  They have a protective nature.  They are idealists as well.  Ok.  I can get down with that.  I can see how 61 would pertain to me personally, but how did it pertain to my brother-in-law passing?  And what was I supposed to do with it?

I began thinking hard about 61 and tried to make some connections between me, 61 and my family.  Was my brother-in-law telling me he was watching over us and that he was trying to harmonize and balance the family?  Was he telling me that he was watching over my husband to whom he was very close and who to this day still feels heartbroken by his passing?  Was he nurturing him from afar?  Was I just making this up and it was all a coincidence?  Or was he just fooling around to see how gullible I was and laughing at me from the other side?  All these scenarios made sense, especially the making fun of me part.  I could just imagine him getting a kick out of my fretting and wondering.  He was a great jokester in that way.

But then the unthinkable happened.  Or if not the unthinkable, the truly weird and crazy.  Around the time I started to really see 61 everywhere my husband was making some difficult and big steps to changing the course of his life and his career.  My husband is a trained chef.  A very talented chef, who spent years prior to attending culinary school as a successful stock trader. 

My husband made the career shift later in his life and he paid the price for this change both financially and emotionally.  But creating food was his passion and I was fully supportive.  So was his brother. Very much.  His brother was known to scarf down my husbands’ food before it would even hit the plate.  None of us stood a chance at getting a full helping when he was around.  And it was something that simultaneously annoyed and delighted my husband.  So when my husband started this second career his brother became his biggest fan. 

Not surprisingly my husband had to start at the bottom of his new career working first as a sous chef in a small French restaurant.  Later he became the chef at a small but popular catering company.  While he gained a lot of experience there it did not allow him to grow in the way he wanted yet his options were limited at the time.  It wasn’t until he did a lot of soul searching and knew in his heart that his situation wasn’t working that he finally made a change.  That decision came in the form of investors who approached him to help them open a corporate café.  He would be in charge of constructing, executing, designing and managing this new place.  He was very excited.  It seemed like to opportunity of a lifetime.

And then as is often the nature of this type of business it didn’t quite work out the way he had wanted and he had to part ways with the original partners.  Again, he did a lot of soul searching when he stumbled upon a realtor who knew a café owner who was looking to sell his business. 

Yes, a random realtor looking to sell a random business for a random owner.  A well-established highly regarded business in a great location with already established customers.  Was this a happy accident? Was it a coincidence? Or was it, as I would later find out, maybe a divine intervention?

Now you may be wondering why this background information is important.  Here comes the best part of the story.  My husband, who notoriously pursues all opportunities, good or bad, jumped at the chance to potentially own his own café, design his own food and run his own staff.  But who knew if this was a good opportunity or a bad one?  Who knew if he would be able to handle this all on his own with no partners to help him make decisions?  Who knew? 

I’ll tell you who knew.  61 knew.  My husband’s brother knew.  And how do I know this?  Because this opportunity presented itself after his brother passed, shortly after 61 started showing up everywhere. 

AND because the doors opened on my husband’s new café on 6/1.  Yes, 6/1.  The 61 that I saw everywhere I went.  The 61 that was trying to get my attention and tell me something important, to follow the path that led to his brothers’ success.

My husband is happy.  And his business is thriving.  And if that is not a sign of the divine, if that is not a sign that the other world is looking out for us, if that is not a sign that the connection my husband had with his brother remains, then I don’t know what is. 

And that has made me feel through all the sadness, through all the tragedy and heartbreak that the signs are there waiting for us to see, to feel enlightened, to feel inspired and ultimately to believe.  And with a little belief maybe you can find your own 61, too.

Stacie Goldstein, LCSW, is a social worker, psychotherapist, wife and mom of two teenage children.  She has been in private practice in Northern NJ for the past 15 years working primarily with teens and adults around issues including anxiety and depression, life transitions, and parenting concerns.  Stacie has worked in a variety of settings including schools, hospitals, mental health agencies and group practice.  She has also taught Social Work at the Masters level for the University of Southern California as an Adjunct Professor.  Stacie’s professional point of view incorporates a variety of techniques and styles including meditation and mindfulness to help her clients carve a path to living less stressful and more content lives.

The Healing Power of Talking and Listening

Imagine picking up the phone and making an appointment.  Imagine talking to the other person and giving them a brief description of your life in order to assess your needs.

Then imagine days later walking into that persons’ office.  It is dimly lit with a small but comfy looking couch, unique Chinese prints on the walls, symbols signifying peace, love, serenity and joy.  The woman you spoke to greets you with a hearty and friendly hello and shakes your hand firmly.  She asks you to have a seat.  There will be some paperwork to complete and some money to exchange but that will come a little later during your time together.  Imagine taking a deep breath, glancing around and looking her in the eyes.  Imagine her smiling warmly and asking you “what brings you here today?” and “how can I help you”.

Now imagine swallowing hard and looking for the words to start.  There is so much to say, so much history, so many details.  Where do you begin?  She looks at you and says “begin wherever you like.  I will decipher the rest and ask questions so you can clarify your experience for me.”  You breathe a sigh of relief.  Imagine thinking, “okay, I am not alone in this.  It may feel weird and scary, but at least I am not alone”.

And you start to talk.  You talk about the past, your relationship with your mother, your siblings, your friends.  You talk about high school and college, post college and work life.  You talk about your spouse and their family, your spouses’ friends and job.  You talk about your children.  You talk about your feelings of anger and rage, happiness and joy.  You talk about comparing yourself to others and how damaging that feels, but you just can’t stop looking at Facebook and Instagram.  You talk about the state of the world and global warming, things that worry you, but there are so many other things to worry about. 

And she sits and she listens.  She nods with validation and asks you to continue.  So, you do.  For 45 minutes that seem like nothing, you continue. 

And as you continue the discomfort seems to melt away.  Okay this isn’t so bad and it’s really nothing like the movies.  You are not laying on a couch.  She talks back when there is silence.  She laughs at your jokes, smiles with encouragement.  There is no blank slate here.  It is two people, one talking the other listening.  Imagine what that feels like.  To talk while someone else is listening.  No unwanted interruptions.  No judgements.  No preconceived notions.  No history together.  Just one person talking and the other listening.  And you feel the power in this.  Although you may have been skeptical before you entered the room you feel a lightness and relief that you have not experienced before.  And you want to see more of where this unique process can take you, what you can learn and how you can feel more content in your life.  And you understand the healing power of talking and listening. 

This is what I imagine my clients experience when they meet me for the first time for therapy.

Now imagine walking to the door of your office and firmly shaking a new persons’ hand.  You have some brief history that you gathered over the phone, basic information you need just to make sure you are the right person for the job and you can meet this new persons’ needs.  And you ask them to sit on your comfy couch with a warning that it sinks in fast so sit slowly.  And you wonder what preconceived notions do they come here with?  What tv therapists have they watched that have raised their expectations? You wonder are they nervous to uncover their stories and change their self-perceptions?  And you think “I hope they are not too scared”.  Do they feel comfortable in your tiny office with the Chinese symbols and the books on psychotherapy strewn about?  You hope their nerves don’t get in the way.  You do your best to normalize their expectations and you ask them “what brings you here today?” and “how can I help you?”

They begin to relay their story but express concern that there is too much information and they don’t know where to begin.  So, you say “begin wherever you like.  I will decipher the rest and ask questions so you can clarify your experience for me.”  And they begin where they begin and you do as you say you would.

Your mind wanders a bit as the information comes out which is okay.  You may lose track sometimes of what they are saying because you are human.  But you are also making room to focus not just on the words but on the feeling in the room, the energy you pick up from this new person.  Is it sadness you feel?  Or anger?  Fear and anxiety?  And these feelings inform your work and how you respond to this new persons’ words.

And you listen as they tell you their story.  You listen to their past, the relationship with their mother, their siblings, their friends.  You listen as they talk about high school and college, post college and work life.  You listen as they talk about their spouse and their family, their friends and job.  You listen as they talk about their children.  They talk about feelings of anger and rage, happiness and joy.  They talk about comparing themselves to others and how damaging that feels, but they just can’t stop looking at Facebook and Instagram.  They talk about the state of the world and global warming, things that worry them, but there are so many other things to worry about.  And you sit and listen.  You nod with validation and ask them to continue.  So, they do.  For 45 minutes that seem like nothing, they continue. 

And you look on with encouragement if you see them stumble.  You feel grateful that they are trusting you with their story because disclosing personal information can be so risky and hard.  And you ask for clarification and more examples so you get a clearer picture of what they are trying to describe.  You don’t offer solutions or advice although sometimes this is what they want and sometimes that is what you want to give, too.  But you listen closely and carefully as you guide them along to the answers they know are there but just need the objective outsider to reinterpret and reframe their understanding.  And you ask at the end of the session, “how did that feel for you?”  And, more often than not, they reply “that felt good.  It felt really good to say all of that, to be heard, to have you listen”.

And still after 25 years of doing this type of work, it never ceases to amaze me the healing power of talking and listening.

Stacie Goldstein, LCSW, is a social worker, psychotherapist, wife and mom of two teenage children.  She has been in private practice in Northern NJ for the past 15 years working primarily with teens and adults around issues including anxiety and depression, life transitions, and parenting concerns.  Stacie has worked in a variety of settings including schools, hospitals, mental health agencies and group practice.  She has also taught Social Work at the Masters level for the University of Southern California as an Adjunct Professor.  Stacie’s professional point of view incorporates a variety of techniques and styles including meditation and mindfulness to help her clients carve a path to living less stressful and more content lives.

Third Culture

Every time I visit India, I am reminded of the feelings, smells, and sounds which make up my perception of my parents’ childhood home: waking up to the sound of the street vendors shouting to sell vegetables and rushing out of bed to have piping hot chai with my grandparents; hearing the loud and bustling traffic of Hyderabad and the sound of the soft but steady rhythm of the ceiling fan.

However, these memories belong to my parents, and I barely get a taste of them during the few weeks of my visits. 

Despite the fact that India is my parents’ home, I feel as though I am a foreigner not only there, but also in the US. When crossing the busy streets of Hyderabad, my mom will instinctively grab my hand, as if I have suddenly returned to being a clueless four-year-old. And while I am in India, I’m forced to carry around bottled water everywhere I go because my body is not accustomed to the water my grandparents drink. 

And it isn’t much different back in the US. People at school will discuss their parents’ craze for the band Queen, but until a few years ago, I had no clue what this “Queen” was. I only knew of my parents’ favorite Hindi film singer: Kishore Kumar. When my first baby tooth fell out, my parents were confused as to why I was demanding money from some “Tooth Fairy”, but when Rakhi (a Hindu Holiday) comes around, I gladly accept large amounts of money and gifts from my brother. 

These minor differences soon became more and more prominent as the years went on, and because of that, I had a growing fear of the idea of feeling separate from others. I hated that my family was different than those of my friends in New Jersey, but also from my relatives in India. But now I’ve come to realize that despite the fact that I may feel like an outsider in these two countries, I have something that a lot of people from either of these places will never have: the experience of what is known as “Third Culture”. 

“Third Culture” is not the idea of being foreign and separated to what exists around you, but rather is the idea of being immersed in two deeply contrasting cultures and creating your own mix of the two. When my family and I learned how to connect the two rather than to point out the differences, we were able to create traditions of our own that encapsulate both cultures. 

Thanksgiving with my cousins in Chicago is one of my favorite instances of third culture. Instead of a traditional American turkey, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce, we have mutton biryani, paneer, and tandoori chicken. Yet, we dress up in simple American clothing while listening to my cousin’s mixed playlist of obscure Western rap and Bollywood music from our Google Home speaker. We then go around the table saying something we are thankful for, usually involving one of the parents cheesily quoting an Urdu poem and the kids shaking our heads and laughing in response.

This is my third culture. It may be completely different from another Indian American kid, but that’s the beauty of it. It differs from person to person. You are able to learn from one another, allowing you to broaden your own third culture. If it weren’t for my initial disappointment for my inability to relate to my relatives and friends, I would have never even considered what it might be like to create something so unique with my family.

Naina Waghray is a jersey girl and junior in Montgomery High School. She loves to sing. Her other passion is running that she enjoys with her buddies at school all through the year in the central Jersey countryside.

How to Defeat Your Dementors

Harry Potter fans know who these are but for the rest of you…dementors are horrible, spectral magical creatures, hooded and robed, who feed on negative human emotions. According to the Harry Potter lexicon dementors drain ‘peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them,’ …they create a chill mist which permeates everything …They drain a wizard of its powers if left with them too long. The dementor sucks out the victim’s soul, leaving them an empty shell, alive but completely, irretrievably “gone.”

We all have our dementors, negative people who suck our energy and drain us. Some are just acquaintances, one can escape or put up barriers to protect oneself. But when they are close family and friends, bosses or employees, sometimes it’s hard to have barriers. Sometimes it’s someone we “should” love (a parent or an in-law), sometimes it’s someone we have to be around. The negativity can be subtle- criticism or comments about your weight, your cooking or heaven forbid, how you raise your children. I have a friend who deals with one such dementor and it takes the form of self deprecation where the person is so negative about herself and it falls to you to build them up, offer constant and exhausting support.

Anyone who removes your positive energy or directs negative energy at you is a dementor.

http://Harry Potter dementor from You Tube

So how do you proceed if you lack a magic spell. It’s not easy but can be done. First, you identify your dementors; it’s hard because sometimes you love them and need them. But remember you are not eliminating them (unless you can and want them out of your life). If you care for them, keep them, but isolate the negative spirit. You need to counteract that with a good dose of positive people to balance the negative. One dementor might require 5 awesome positive people (uplifters).

Limit time with negative energy, cut short your time with them and have a list of positive activities you can do with them if you have to spend time together. Add on extra good activities on your own (engaging with friends, hobbies, silly shows, things that give you pleasure) to balance the negative stuff.

Sometimes your own thoughts are the dementors and these are the hardest to identify. But it can be done by being  brutally honest. Do you look in the mirror and say “ I don’t like how I look”, “I’m so stupid”, “ I screwed up”, “ “I’m no good”?

Make a list of your your uplifters, the amazing people in your life. If you don’t have enough go find them. They are everywhere. I made a friend at the gym who is one of the most positive people I know. She had to have open heart surgery and walked out 4 days later. She says cardiac rehab is a blast. I can’t possibly feel sorry for myself around her! I paint regularly with a group of women I met at a watercolor class through the local recreation department. They don’t need to be only deep friendships though those are awesome too. I met a really interesting lady at a batik class I took. She used to be a nurse and now does political graphic art. I want to get to know her, I took her card and plan to get in touch one of these days.

I’ve had a couple of truly horrible dementors that took me into dark negative places and it took me a long time to learn to isolate them.

And it’s the uplifters (people and activities) that helped me survive these.

And try picturing the negative people as hooded dementors… it might make you smile and remind you that you can deal with them.

References/ Definitions

https://www.hp-lexicon.org/creature/dark-creatures/dementors/

https://accidentalcreative.com/teams/people-factor/

Svapna Sabnis is a pediatrician, mom and a wife. She is in private practice and is Clinical Associate Professor of Pediatrics Medical College of Wisconsin and Clinical Adjunct Professor at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health. She is an immunization advocate and Director of Immunize Milwaukee and the Wisconsin Council on Immunization Practices.

She loves to teach medical students and residents, was awarded the Best Doctors in America 2010- 2019. She is coauthor of a textbook –Pediatric Decision Making Strategies. She likes to garden and dabbles in watercolors in her free time. She’s still trying to have it all and achieve balance in her life.

Girl Friends

“Friendship is the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words.”

George Eliot

What would women do without our girlfriends?

I have different girlfriend groups. My primary group is one that started when we had young children- my “mom friends”. We first met when our children were toddlers. We got together so the children could play and then found ourselves lingering to talk more. Initially about mom stuff, then other things. All of us are artists in some form, some do it professionally, the rest of us as a hobby on the side. We connected through being mothers of Indian descent, trying to celebrate Diwali, Dussehra, and for a few memorable years even Holi together.  As our children grew we could lean on each other not just to help each other out with kid stuff (pickups, drop-offs) but also with deep personal losses and sadness that come as you get older. Through illness, losses, health scares, surgery, divorce, and emotional breakdowns. We took care of each other and each other’s children. The children are teenagers and young adults now, but we still meet. One from our group moved to Australia but she’s still on our group text. We push each other to do better or more, to open our horizons. We’ve cheered each other on to professional and personal successes. We support each other through failures. We are sisters, our bond is deep and I hope unbreakable.

My other friend group consists of my friends I trained with during my residency. I’ve known these women for almost 29 years. We don’t meet as often but we have a “book club” where we try to get together a few times a year to talk about the book and catch up on each other’s lives. These are the women who understand what I do as a woman physician, who went into medicine sharing the same idealism which has turned to pragmatism. We still love our patients but not the baggage of corporate medicine. We struggle with balancing personal and family needs with work and the need to do “more” to make the world a better place. These women inspire me and also “get” my professional struggles.

Then I have my painting friends. We meet alternate weeks at each other’s homes to paint together and share painting techniques. I never paint on my own, there is always something else more urgent that must be done. But when I get together with these ladies for two hours we just paint and talk about art, politics, families, books, and movies.

I have work friends who have my back (and I theirs’), family (lovely sisters in law), and other friends I don’t meet as often as I’d like to. I’m lucky enough to have a mother who is also a girlfriend. She lives across the ocean in India but as a working mom herself, a child psychologist and an author she is my role model too. We talk several times a week, email and text. We talk about her grandchildren of course, but so much more. I get my love of art, books, travel,  and gardening from her.

Debra Tannen the author of a You’re the Only One I Can Tell: Inside the Language of Women’s Friendships states- “Talk plays a larger role in many women’s friendships than it does in many men’s, and when times are tough, talk can come into its own. Telling a friend what you’re going through can make you feel less isolated.”

This talk seems to be the secret of why friendships are important to women. Socially isolated people are at greater risk of poor health -high blood pressure, heart disease, infectious diseases. When we seek out friends we are following a biological need as well. People with strong social relationships have higher survival rates and longevity. Underlying our friendships is biochemistry, an increase in hormones that help us stay happy and calm (oxytocin, endorphins, dopamine, serotonin) and a decrease in hormones that are associated with stress (cortisol). There seems to be a deep biological need for these social connections.

Strong social bonds are important for survival even in animals, not just primates, but also dolphins, giraffes, deer, bison, elephants, birds, to name a few species. These bonds are most common in females of the species.

Our women friends comfort, nurture, sustain, feed and elevate us. As Julia Child said “Remember, ‘No one’s more important than people’! In other words, friendship is the most important thing―not career or housework, or one’s fatigue―and it needs to be tended and nurtured.”

Svapna Sabnis is a pediatrician, mom and a wife. She is in private practice and is Clinical Associate Professor of Pediatrics Medical College of Wisconsin and Clinical Adjunct Professor at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health. She is an immunization advocate and Director of Immunize Milwaukee and the Wisconsin Council on Immunization Practices.

She loves to teach medical students and residents, was awarded the Best Doctors in America 2010- 2019. She is coauthor of a textbook –Pediatric Decision Making Strategies. She likes to garden and dabbles in watercolors in her free time. She’s still trying to have it all and achieve balance in her life.

On Belonging

I could say many things about the upcoming two person exhibition and my collaboration with Lois Bielefeld. I could load this post with art theory terms, postcolonial phrases, race and political commentary and technical jargon. But it will not explain what this work has meant to me over the last two years. I will simply tell you a story.

Two years ago, I came back from one of my trips to India to experience what felt like a different country. With a new president, each day brought sensationalist headlines, new announcements and events that highlighted an increasingly polarized America. I needed to wrap my head around what was going on, observe, read, speak to mentors and friends before I returned to the studio, questioning whether my work was relevant anymore.

An idea slowly began to emerge that demanded more courage from me than I have ever given before. For the first time, I included my physical self in the production of a body of work. I reached out to Lois Bielefeld, who I did not know at that time, with the idea to explore how race is perceived visually through garment and skin color and how intimately tied the body’s relationship to place is. I donned each of my barely used saris and worked with Lois to produce photographs that show me overtly performing difference while exploring and embedding myself in the landscape of Milwaukee. We titled this work Reaching Across 5 1/2 yards / 8497 miles. It spoke to both the length of the sari fabric and the distance between my place of birth and the place I live in now. Over the next year and half we traversed Milwaukee’s pocketed and  segregated spaces and experienced each other’s personal sanctuaries and the city’s public places of power. The result is a visual quilt of photographs that reflect different facets of Milwaukee.

Nirmal walking in Milwaukee, “overtly performing difference.”

Throughout this journey, Lois and I had many conversations- on her childhood memories of Milwaukee, on religion, identity, politics and art. We were walking by the Milwaukee Riverwalk one day and came across the American history engraved on its boardwalk. This led to discussions on how each of us understood this history, mostly written by white men. The burden of America’s violent and racist history weighed heavy on us as we discussed the Muslim ban, riots in Charlottesville, Standing Rock protests, police brutality against African Americans, border walls, shootings at Sikh Temple of Wisconsin and Olathe Kansas in addition to other racist incidents against people of color. I made a rubbing of the history engraving onto 30 meters of organdy fabric which then became a prop for another body of collaborative work with Lois. We titled this work that included 12 performance based photographs, What is Recorded / What is Remembered.

The rubbing of engraved American history on an organdy fabric sari.



We expanded this work by reaching out to our friends, diverse women of different ages, races and sexual orientations involving them in a performance based three channel video work. It was magical to see how generous and willing they were to perform with us not knowing what the end product may look like.

The circle grew even larger with the production of an audio archive that not only included the women we invited to perform but also community members we admired and respected. This is an ongoing project that explores how each of us contend with history- personal, national and global and includes our hopes and fears for the future in addition to how we have come to understand what being American is.
All this may sound confusing –  with subjects that are vast and complex, but it all comes down to the personal, the self and moves outward to the community like ripples. We hope that our work is the pebble that causes those ripples. What was an impulsive act of reaching out to a stranger in a desperate need to understand and build something together, has led to a special friendship and incredible learning. I have come to understand my community better, to gain comfort through human connection, learn from wise and knowledgeable women, listen to the hope in young people’s voices. These are the intangibles that are behind the work. We hope that you may feel these intangibles, invisible as they are, filtering through the exhibition and for those of you far away, perhaps through the images and links on our websites.

It takes courage to reach out to a stranger who is different from us. To have conversations that are uncomfortable and new, but if we approach it with a spirit of inquiry and learning, we may realize that we all have the same fears and concerns. You never know what might come of that interaction.

No art can be shared without the support of space and visibility. We are incredibly grateful to The Warehouse, John Shannon and Laura Sims Peck at Guardian Fine Arts to generously host this exhibition at their 4000 square foot pristine gallery space. A space large and generous enough  to hold this work and share it with Milwaukee.

On Belonging
opens March 8th and will be up till May 31st,
The Warehouse, 1635 W. Saint Paul Ave., Floor 1, Milwaukee, WI 53233

Opening reception is on March 8th, 5-8 pm
The gallery is open by appointment Monday – Friday. Please call 414-252-0677 or email info@thewarehousemke.org

 Nirmal Raja is an interdisciplinary artist living and working in Milwaukee. She approaches her practice as a process of sifting and communicating sensations and ideas with varied materials and processes. Conceptually driven and thematic, her work straddles the personal and the political and is a response to lived experiences that are distilled and strengthened by research in the studio and through reading. She examines notions of memory, identity, place and belonging. Performative collaborations with other artists and the larger community have recently become part of her practice. Occasionally, she curates exhibitions and organizes and facilitates situations that articulate moments of connection and empathy.

Lois Bielefeld


Aircraft or the body?

When you take up a big task or a project which is going to take up your mental and physical time, you should be discreet about how you use your energy. Viveka means to be aware and take steps to wisely use the resources. But what are the resources and where are they located? They are the mind, body, the physical space around you, the breath and sleep. These are all connected. How are these connected?


If you are sleep deprived, how will be the state of the situation?
How is your mind when the food you eat is either less or more?
How is breath connected with energy? One question leads to another and you see there is a pattern to this connection.


Let’s look at each of the resources individually and as we do that let’s use the analogy of an aircraft to represent the physical body. There are all kinds of aircraft and different levels of care that is required for each of them. The level of care and caution that is given to a two seater, a passenger aircraft and a fighter plane is different based of the use they have. Whatever be the type and need of the machine, we give it the fuel that it needs in the right quantity and right quality.

You don’t substitute diesel for petrol or you don’t put extra fuel in a two seater because you fancy it moving faster- you cannot do that. Similarly, we give our body the right quantity and quality of food. Not too much not too less.

Taste has types, tamasic, rajasic or sattvic.

Rajasic taste is when you eat for taste alone and hence don’t know when to stop. Sattvic taste satiates the mind and body. The food nourishes the body and makes it available for optimum use. Sattvic food keeps the body free from disease and dullness, the less the digestive system has to process the better it is for the physical body which will be available for a variety of endeavors. Food then is one of the resource.

Sleeping recharges our cells and calms the nervous system. With too much sleep and with too little sleep we are not giving our best. An over used aircraft and an aircraft rotting in the hanger, both are not of any use.

There is no fixed standard measure of time that one must sleep. Each body is different and has different sleep requirements. We need to strike our own balance.

Breath, is addressed last with a definite purpose. It is the link between the body and mind; memory and intellect. It’s like a kite and a thread, the kite is controlled by the string and we use our breath to navigate our mind. Keeping the connection with the body to the mind, via the breath is what keeps a balance. Moving away from the roots or disconnecting due to the changes in the breath, causes immense pain in body and mind and reduces our capacity to give our best.

The practice of yogasanas and meditation brings in the balance. Using the aircraft well and giving them a rest in the hangar make for a long lasting and productive machine. Living wisely leads to high productivity, you don’t fall ill often. You don’t feel sluggish when you are expected to be giving your best.

With a little effort in maintaining the breath, to bring the mind to the NOW, to come back to the source is meditation

by Meena Waghray is a yoga teacher but she says, it was not easy to adapt it in her lifestyle. She started out being a pessimist about yoga and has gone on to become a teacher and her journey of fitness in body and mind continues. For her, yoga is not just the daily practice on the mat, rather, the losing and finding of the mind and breath to come back to harmony.

Meena is a lawyer by profession and a mediation expert, trained with the ADR Group London. Mediation according to her is the best way to resolve disputes, even before they reach the courts. Meena loves teaching and has been teaching legal studies for classes 11th and 12th at Army Public School, Bangalore.

She says, “I have two similar goals and similar sounding ones too, separated by a “t”, meditation and mediation. One is spiritual and the other is legal. The end result of both is harmony”. Meena is a volunteer/
faculty with the Art of Living Foundation facilitating Art of Living Yoga and Happiness Programs.

How we feed our families…


“…food sits at the intersection of biological or material and symbolic aspects of human life. Food is essential for life because we need its energy and nutrients as biological creatures. But the nature of our humanity lies in our social practices, and thus our ability to sustain ourselves involves more than nutrients. What we eat is a “sign of membership, social status and spiritual worth. Eating the same food as others is a mark of belonging… The practice of feeding a family involves, meeting, what Stone calls “communal needs” which include “community, solidarity, a sense of belonging; dignity, respect, self-esteem, and honor; friendship and love” .

(Stone, 1988)

Food is a social act, in essence, it is about sharing and belonging. The very nature of cooking then starts with pots and plates, meant not just for a singular consumer. Eating alone however, is not an anathema but the process of cooking and eating has come to mean a bit more than sustenance and hence the challenges of sustenance eating. The contradiction is within the logic of food- you have to eat together as humans but you have to eat within your limits.

At this time of thanksgiving in the United States and Diwali in India, the onslaught of food-voices and choices from every possible avenue- it is a nice reminder to put things in perspective and to register this holiday for what it is.

Malini Waghray is the founder, editor, immersive researcher and developer at Choosing Wellness.

The inevitable dawning of common sense

The physical body over the mental- which comes first? Is it the chicken or the egg? Or is it easier than that? I practiced the mental well being for far too long and got hit by the lack of the physical care that was needed. Hence the effort to get to the core of it and understand how both are connected.

The inevitable dawning of common sense

For a number of years, the refining of the thought process to understand a social problem (as a sociologist) was to me a far critical issue to work towards. It has been a default setting for the longest time I could remember. The idea of “seeking help” was not an option to fix this lack of understanding- if at all that came about. I always knew that the most nonsensical of the problems has a solution, if only one reads more about it or finds ways to newer understandings and the truth I might seek would unravel in front of me.

The mind-body connection, or the physical-body problem in the form of high BMI, is a new one that life has dealt in a fashion that now cannot be ignored. This is a warning sign of what’s more to come soon. On the other hand, the lack of a right mind-set that makes you a misfit in a certain circle, like your brilliant class mates in a Sociology class, was a warning sign too. I clarified concepts by reading more and more, to arrive at an understanding that not only made me the wiser but also got the grades I was looking for.

The physical body however, took a while to give me the warning sign and working to fix that is what this dashboard or a thesis is about. Contact our editor to contribute to the dashboard as a writer.

Malini Waghray is the founder, editor, immersive researcher and developer at Choosing Wellness.